The B-Word

Young brother, now you’re talking, and you’re growing up so fast!

You haven’t been around to see what’s happened in the past.

I have some good advice I’d like to pass along to you.

It’s so you can avoid disasters Mom and I went through.

I’ll tell you right now, smarting off is not the way to go,

and lying will not work because she’s Mom, and she will know.

Just finish all your homework when your teacher gives you some,

and when it’s time for dinner and Mom calls you, wash and come.

But if you cannot handle it and mess up here or there,

the chances are, you’ll still recover. Mom is pretty fair.

And yet, there’s one mistake no kid could possibly afford:

no matter how you feel sometimes, DON’T EVER SAY YOU’RE BORED!

I promise when I’ve said it, I’ve regretted it all day.

I’ve wished so badly I could take it back, and go and play.

I swear all her suggestions when you say it are the worst!

So, carefully evaluate your other options first …

unless, that is, you’d rather clean your room and make your bed,

or organize your closet and your dresser drawers, instead.

Sometimes when I would say it, she would make me read a book,

by then, too late to say I’d give the TV one more look.

She also wants her garden raised so she won’t hurt her back …

which means it’s hard to move the dirt, and you‘ll pick up the slack.

She always needs the car cleaned out. She’s busy here, inside.

When her kids say they’re bored, Mom’s bag of horrors opens wide.

I cannot list all her solutions. I’ve lost track by now.

So fake a smile and wipe those grumpy frown-lines from your brow!

Just occupy yourself until it’s time to have a snack.

But keep in mind, if you’ve already slipped and can’t go back:

you’ll only make it worse if you should protest, pout, or whine.

So, learn from my mistakes, and you and Mom will do just fine.

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It’s Just a Sibling Thing

sibling thing

Guess who drives me bonkers all day long while I’m awake?

Guess who tests my patience and is always such a fake?

Talkin’ ’bout my sister, if you didn’t guess it yet…

the one who does those mean things that I never will forget.

Sometimes there’s a stupid song she sings until I scream,

then all night long, I hear that song play, even in my dreams.

Mom asks me to do her chores when she’s at Jenny’s house.

Then I find out later that she took my favorite blouse!

When I’m watching TV, she sits yapping on her phone.

Can’t wait till we live apart! It won’t be till we’re grown…

I have the remote control just two days of the week.

She comes in and takes it, then she tells me I’m a freak.

She jumps in the front seat even though today’s my turn.

Once, she took my soda pop and poured it in Mom’s fern!

Sometimes she does bad stuff, but she makes it look like me.

I just know she also lost my favorite DVD.

I expect she’ll hit me everyday until I move.

When I try to tell on her, there’s nothing I can prove.

Last week on the bus she told the kids to call me “fart.”

She sat with me, let one go! She doesn’t have a heart!

One time when my family came to see my play at school,

she told Tim, the boy I like, that when I sleep, I drool.

When we bring home Chinese food, she picks out all the meat.

And yes, one time she even put a thumbtack on my seat.

Toenail clippings showed up in my cereal one day.

Oh, I just can’t wait until my sister moves away!

Yesterday I weighed it, and my piggy bank was light.

I won’t let her take my coins without a fearsome fight.

Then there’s how she bothers me when friends come here to play.

Plus, she always threatens to reveal how much I weigh.

Though my mother’s told us that one day we might be friends,

I just don’t believe our petty fights will ever end.

Momma likes to laugh at us. Her sister does the same.

They swear up and down they once were us, but overcame.

They say as the years go by, our fights will lose their sting.

Even if they don’t, I guess it’s just a sibling thing.

The Candy Shoppe

candy shoppe

I want to tell you all about my favorite place to go…

buttermints and malt balls are the first to start the show!

The Candy Shoppe is where I like to spend my extra time,

picking out swirled lollipops in cherry, grape, and lime.

The only problem with it is that every time I find,

it’s just so hard to pick which things. There are so many kinds:

Ring Pops, ribbon candy, Sugar Duds and colored Dots,

cordials, M ’n Ms and those Tamales that are Hot,

nonpareils, yogurt raisins, Mounds and Almond Joy!

This is so much better than when Mom buys me a toy!

1000 Grand, divinity, and Sour Rings so tart,

jelly beans and Swedish Fish, they always steal my heart.

Taffy, Runts, and candy canes deserve attention, too…

Hubba Bubba, Tootsie Pops, and shredded Big League Chew.

Licorice and Red Hots, Jordan Almonds, cherry sours…

I’d be happy staying here to wile away the hours.

Red Vines, Twix, and Reese’s Pieces, cherry ’Mallow Twists!

Should I be handcuffed to this place, I’d gladly give my wrists!

Vanilla crèmes and Smarties, Skittles, Blow Pops, Tootsie Rolls,

Cinnabears and candy corn I’d like in heaping bowls.

Log rolls, chocolate coffee beans, and gumdrops, sugar-sweet.

There is just no end to all the candy I could eat!

Junior Mints and bon bons, Hershey Kisses and fruit chews,

Andes Candies, Now ’n Laters. Sure, I’ll share with you!

Peanut butter cups and sour gummies, caramel…

lining every wall, there’s just so much that’s here to sell!

Chocolate coins so shiny in their foil paper wrap,

conversation hearts and turtles, no time for a nap!

Wax lips and those yogurt covered pretzels make me drool.

If I could be a candy-taster, I’d drop out of school!

Sweet Tarts, rum balls, almond bark and Mints that Meltaway

Sixlets and some sweet Gobstoppers always make my day.

Mr. Goodbar, chocolate hearts, and little gummy bites

make my dreams taste oh-so-sweet when I’m in bed at night.

Candy rolls and chocolate hearts and Pop Rocks crackling loud,

gorgeous cotton candy, pink and fluffy like a cloud,

chocolate covered peanuts and a few Three Musketeers…

To sample all within these walls will surely take me years!

I will have to focus if I want to get it done.

Guess it doesn’t matter ‘cause I’m having so much fun!

Math Homework: A Legal Crime

math homework

Lunch and music, art and gym, my afternoons are far from grim

until I go to math class. Yick! If only I were hurt or sick…

I wouldn’t have to spend my time on homework! It’s a legal crime:

sentenced to a desk and chair so I’ll miss all the sun and air!

Parks to play in, trees to climb! But with homework, who has time?

I wish I could go outside and take my bike, just spin and ride!

Or maybe I would wash the car and then I’d be Mom’s shining star!

So, to put this in a way that shouts out what I have to say:

I would rather scrub a floor than take what homework has in store!

Still, I haven’t even guessed why math is worse than all the rest.

But when those problems get assigned (because my teacher isn’t kind),

I always find it’s dark before I finish and get out the door.

Then it’s off to wash and eat…my sneakers not yet on my feet!

When I’m through, the sky’s too dark for me to have my grassy park.

Why, oh why must I endure the needless math that I’m quite sure

will never serve me? Never! No! But always to that class I go,

armed with pencil, paper, frown. Among the problems, I might drown

(especially the story ones, of which my teacher gives us tons)!

So I sit there, try to blend, and hope she’ll call upon my friend

to do the problem on the board, a practice which is much abhorred

by all the students here at school. It’s just another stinkin’ rule!

But even if I get through class without a glitch or nurse’s pass,

I still must face the cold, harsh light: math homework I have tonight,

and everyday from here on out. It never ends; I have no doubt.

I’ve decided that I’m cursed, since math-type homework is the worst,

and that’s the kind I have each day, due next class without delay.

Well, I should get started now…it’s raining outside, anyhow.

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